Analytic School Dance
by Spencers.philosophy
Summary: "I mean, Liz isn't exactly intimidating, is she?" "No, but rejection is." The summer formal is right around the corner, and Jonas still hasn't asked Liz. Uh oh. ONE-SHOT.


"_You give me premature ventricular contractions." _

_ –Natalie Portman (__**No Strings Attached)**_

"Dude just _do it_." This was advice when Jonas asked how he should ask Liz to the dance. Cammie and I were dating, so I was able to skip the whole fear of rejection thing, and Grant's too stupid to fear Bex saying no, which just left Jonas and Liz.

Jonas coughed, "This isn't a Nike commercial, Zach. Girls are very analytic. If I don't ask Liz to the dance in a way she finds respectful, our relationship could be derelict."

I raised my eyebrows, letting Jonas know that I – and most likely Grant as well – needed a translation. "Derelict. It means hopeless. Doomed. Totally and completely over."

Grant suddenly jumped –literally jumped – out of his bed while screaming, "I KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO." I rolled my eyes. Grant's ideas usually involve ten hundred dollars, strippers, and firecrackers. "Okay, so you just walk up to her, kiss her, and then say, 'Will you come with me to the formal?'"

"That's ludicrous! Absolutely and completely ridic-" Jonas said, but I cut him off.

"Actually, Jo, that's not a bad idea. Girls love it when guys are confident, right?" I turned to face Grant. "You may actually be genius after all."

Grant shrugged. "All I'm saying is that Liz tutored me every day for an hour, and she's not as uptight and 'analytic' as you sometimes make her out to be. She's actually probably the most chill out of all of them."

Jonas plopped down into one of the beanie bags and let out a loud sigh. "Dude just _do it_," I repeated.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

He nodded. "I mean, Liz isn't exactly intimidating, is she?" Jonas said.

Grant quickly replied, "No, but rejection is."

I hit the back of Grant's head. "Not helping," I whispered through gritted teeth.

Jonas stood up and opened the door. "I'm going to do it!" he announced.

"Do what?" a tiny voice said from the hallway. A tiny voice that belonged to an equally tiny girl. Jonas stepped aside, revealing Liz, who was carrying about a thousand books in her hands. "Do what?" she asked again.

"Umm, I was just w-w-wondering if you'd," Jonas stammered, "um, you know…" He faced me a Grant for a second, me giving him a thumbs up, and Grant doing an inappropriate gesture. He turned back to Liz. "Um, well, I would really like it if you'd come to… to… to help me study! In the library. If you don't mind."

Liz shrugged and stepped into the room. "I don't mind at all, but I'm helping Grant for the next hour. You don't mind waiting, do you?" she said, as Grant stepped up to take the books from her.

"Th-that's fine. Thanks," Jonas said. Grant and Liz left the room, but not before Grant glared at Jonas.

He looked over to me, but I just shook my head at him. "You're derelict, Jo, not the relationship."

* * *

"You made her a cake? A _fucking_ cake?"

Jonas smiled like a proud five year old who had drawn his mommy a pretty picture. It was chocolate cake with white icing and the word "LIZ, FORMAL" in large letters with a giant question mark under it. "Do you think she'll like it?" he asked, with genuine worry in his voice.

"You're such a sap, dude. Where did you get this idea?" I asked.

He shrugged. "It just came to me, you know? I mean, how could she refuse a moist-"

Grant did this weird hyena laugh thing while saying, "Jo said _moist_ dude," over and over.

"-chocolate cake?" Jonas finished, as if Grant hadn't said anything.

I had to give it to him. Even though it was the sort of thing you'd see on a chick-flick, those are the kind of things that girls love. "Jonas, my dear friend," I said, "that is an excellent idea."

He smiled even wider. "I'm going to put it in her room, so when she gets back from class she'll have time to come see me and say yes."

"Or no," Grant piped in.

"Shut up," I told him.

"You shut up," he retorted.

"Your face."

"Your mom."

"Your dad."

"You're gay?" he asked.

I shook my head, "No, I just ran out of things you have."

Jonas said, "Well, why you two are bickering, I'm going to bring this to Liz's room."

I stood up and walked over to him. "No way am I staying here alone with him," I said, jerking my head towards Grant.

"Fuck you."

I sniffed. "I like to do that sort of thing in private. Also, to females. No offense dude, but you're not exactly my type."

Finally, we left the dorm and made it to the girls' wing. "Two-fifty one, two-fifty two, two-fifty three… Here it is."

Jonas lurched forward to open the door, but someone on the other side beat him to it. Unfortunately, Jonas was really counting on the door to be there for him. And I'm sure you can guess who the lucky girl who took its place was.

The cake landed right on Liz's… um… chest. "Oh, my God! I'm so sorry, Liz! I-I wasn't expecting the door to open, and I'm so sorry-"

Liz stopped him, "Jonas, it's all right, it was just an accident." The most miraculous thing about this was – get this – she was _laughing_. "Oh, my God, look at me." She let out another round of laughter as she swiped her finger down her shirt and then stuck it in her mouth. She smacked her lips together a few times before saying, "Very yummy, Jo. But maybe next time, I'd like it on a plate." She giggled again as she wheeled around and went into the bathroom and started to rub the icing off of her shirt. After a few tries of rubbing it off, she put down the rag and came back to us. "I don't mean to be rude, but I need to excuse myself for a minute so I can, uh, get dressed for class. Again." And with a wink, she closed the door.

"Zach?"

"Huh?"

"Do you know how to tie a noose?"

* * *

Another day went by, and Jonas, Grant and I still hadn't come up with a way for Jonas to ask her. When he tried saying it, he chickened out, and when he tried to do something special, it literally ended up in a giant mess. We were all a bit discouraged.

Grant sighed, "She's coming over in a bit to tutor me. Maybe you could-"

"No," Jonas intercepted. "I don't think I can."

Grant nodded. "Yeah you're probably right. Oh, I know! You could-"

"Nope. Not going to happen."

"Yeah, that one was a bit farfetched anyways," Grant replied. "Oh, okay, so all you have to do is-"

Jonas sighed. "Let's face it guys. It's hopeless. And besides, it just a stupid dance. Just a stupid, summer formal."

_Knock, knock. _I looked over to Grant, who slowly stood up and made his way to the door. "Hey, Liz. Come in, I just need to put on my shoes." She nodded and came inside our room.

"Hello, Liz," Jonas greeted.

"Oh, hi Jonas," she said back. "Hey, Zach." I nodded.

Grant shot Jonas a look. Jonas shook his head at Grant. I sighed. We were very good at that "communicating without speaking" thing.

Grant got up, grabbed the stack of books from Liz, and they started towards the door. Just as it was almost completely closed, it burst back open and Elizabeth Sutton poked her head in. "Jonas?"

"Yeah?"

She smiled. "The summer formal is this Friday, and I was wondering if you'd like to come with me?"

**A/N: So, yeah. *sips giant cup of coffee* I've been wanting to write something like this for a while, and I hope you guys like it. It might be a little (and by little I mean super) cheesy, but I'm kind of in a cheesy mood. Review? Thanks.**


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